John Carter, The Movie


I saw John Carter on Monday night and I enjoyed it. If you have been reading the coffee philosopher lately, than you know that I’ve been looking forward to this more than a little.

While the plot diverges a good deal from the first book (A Princess of Mars), the spirit is firmly that of the classic adventure pulps. And it was pretty necessary to diverge, plotwise. Princess is more episodic than its sequel and lacks the single minded, narrative drive of a good adventure movie.

John Carter of Mars was created during the heyday of the adventure pulps and well before John Campbell used his editorship of Astounding to more or less invite modern, ‘hard’ science fiction. Before Campbell, science fiction (though the John Carter stories are often classified as a kind of sub-category called ‘planetary romance’ – a way to do science fiction where highly advanced species with advanced technology still find excuses to fight with swords; also to include buxom babes and strapping heroes of noble mien) was not so concerned with science and its implications (nor complex characterization, to be honest) and was more concerned with the adventure side of things, science be damned.

Anyway, this movie was fun. Everyone played it straight up with no irony. And Willem Dafoe was hilarious. I could have used some more shouting from the hero (instead of I’m on Mars… maybe do it I’M ON MARS!?!!??!), but I dive into a pulp adventure looking for strong willed women who are somehow forced by circumstance to less clothing than might normally be considered practical or modest and heroes who like to use swords and face overwhelming odds.

And there four a things that are generally guaranteed to make any movie better, and John Carter feature half of them – attractive women wearing the aforementioned inadequate (though still PG-13) clothing and fifteen foot tall sarcastic green men (for those people keeping track, the other things that make any movie better are Christopher Walken and Voltron, Defender of the Universe; I am hoping that one or more those will appear in sequel).

I do have one quibble with the movie. Ciaran Hinds is an amazing actor, but he should never be forced to wear a stupid hairpiece (is he losing his hair? I don’t know, but surely a Ciaran with thinning hair is better than a Ciaran wearing a thirty year old hairpiece salvaged from a thirty-five year old BBC production of I, Claudius). Also, in a movie where everyone wears navel revealing outfits, Hinds really stands out for being the only actor whose navel we never see. The reason why is obvious and gets to my point on the matter: Hinds’ role really didn’t need a quality actor and I would suggest that the casting director should have given greater consideration to actors of appropriate age who, while possibly possessed of less acting ability, were possessed of a reasonably flat stomach.

Tuesday Morning Staff Meeting – Libraries, Spaceships & Steve Jobs, The Well Meaning Fascist


Yes, there is quite a bit of arrogance in this man’s description of his library, but as e-readers become more prevalent, the fetishization of the book seems almost a necessary response.

How big is a ‘Firefly’ class space ship?

But when it comes to the T.A.R.D.I.S., it’s what’s inside that counts.

Steve Jobs’ philosophy was, ultimately, paternalistic authoritarianism.

The DC United Home Opener…


…was c–p.

Utter c–p.

This season is going to end badly. Even worse, I have to ask whether Benny Olsen is the right man for the job? He’s been a loyal and dedicated servant to the team. He was a key player for the 2004 squad that won the title and during his whole career, he’s bled the red & black of DC United. But you have to question his decisions.

Perry Kitchen, an up and coming centerback (and last year’s first draft pick) who can also slot in at outside back, was overrun in a defensive midfield. Of course, maybe he’d have done better with some help. No one playing in front of him provided much help or protection. And the defense behind him looked atrocious.

There was an attacking quintet of Hamid Salihi up top, Dwayne ‘DeRo’ DeRosario as a support striker, Branco Boskovic in a central attacking midfield role, Chris Pontius on the left, and Andy Najar on the right.

Impressive on paper, but simply not enough defense to help protect the backline and, despite their impressive credentials, these guys couldn’t hold possession if their life had depended on it.

And I’m looking at you Boskovic. You are around for cultured left foot and guile. If you can’t help us keep possession and create chances, what have we been paying you for the last two seasons?

Pontius had the best chance of the match, but almost never saw the ball.

Najar was a livewire who fought like heck but who displayed the decision making of someone much younger. He’s still a kid, but it’s time for him to start to show more maturity. This is his third season as a professional. He shouldn’t be consistently giving away possession with poorly thought out passes and crosses anymore.

And Salihi was a non-factor. All my worst fears were proved true. He could still come good, but we needed a fighter who would drop back a little and help out a team that was being overrun and he didn’t do that.

I’m not convinced by Kitchen as a defensive midfielder, but I’ll also withhold judgement (he did play a couple of nice passes to start attacks). But he is definitely a pretty stationary kind of midfielder. Which is fine. He stays deep, breaks up play, and gets the ball to another player who will bring it upfield into the attack. But Boskovic is not the kind of active runner that you need to pair with someone like Kitchen in midfield. We let Clyde Simms go, but he was someone you could pair with Boskovic, because he was a more aggressive kind of defensive midfielder, who would buzz around the field more and move the ball up more. You don’t just need a defensive midfielder paired with a more attacking midfielder. You also need a passer paired with a runner (this is for two man central midfields, like in the 4-4-1-1 we seemed to be playing). Neither Kitchen nor Boskovic are runners. Consequently, Kansas City’s midfield ran circles around us.

The one huge plus was the amazing play of goalkeeper Bill Hamid. He’s already gotten selected for the National Team on a couple of occasions and if he can keep this level of play up for the entire season, he’ll be going to a better team next year. But if we can sort out of the rest of the squad, then he can also carry us far this year.

But is Olsen the man who can do that? When we needed leadership at the back, he left our big new defensive signing, the veteran Emiliano Dudar, on the bench. And isn’t Dudar supposed to be that guy who will give our backline the leadership we need? So why was he on the bench? Even if you didn’t want to start him, because he’s not fully match fit or because the chemistry isn’t all there, when you saw the opposition marching through our defense like the cliched and proverbial swiss cheese, wouldn’t he have been worth a try?

And when we needed to improve possession, why did you replace Boskovic with an aging striker?

It’s just one game and obviously, the coach knows things that I don’t. But he’s been given the time to rebuild and he has done just that. Now, he needs to start winning.

Happy Birthday, Jack Kerouac


Today is Kerouac’s ninetieth birthday.

Like a lot of Beat writers, I have mixed feelings about him. On the Road is a spectacular book and everyone should read it, but if you chose never to read anything else by Kerouac, I’m not sure your emotional and intellectual life would suffer much for it. Dharma Bums is good, but it’s no On the Road and I’m just not going to say, ‘go out and read it now!’

In high school, we did always name whoever was driving on Saturday nights “Neal Cassady” after the real life namesake of the Dean Moriarty character. And I always remember (though I can’t recall the words) the exactitude of feeling and eloquence of the narrator looking down from the car window and seeing the road smoothly speed past them as if they were floating.

Also, Jack Kerouac spent his last days in St. Petersburg, Florida. Despite the occasional article in the paper, though, the town seems to take little or no pride in the connection. A pity.

Monday Meeting – The End Of The Great American Novel


Is the novel’s day over?

Weekend Reading – Who’s Your Favorite Sociopath?


My favorite idiot sociopath.

Actually, I’ve always suspected Charles Murray of being a little sociopathic, too (seriously, have you read the Bell Curve?).

Real men read Homer.

But I don’t want to be a pirate!

Questions For DC United Ahead Of Saturday’s Opener


Will Hamdi Salihi produce?

Can Dwayne “DeRo” DeRosario reproduce last year’s form?

Can Branko Boskovic justify his salary?

Will the veteran additions shore up the defense?

 

Hamdi Salihi is the team’s new Designated Player (DP). He looks like a good get on paper. He was an excellent strike for Rapid Wien (Vienna) in the Austrian league. Austrian soccer is not spectacular, but it’s close in the style to the Bundesliga, so a good mix of the physical and the technical. Certainly, he’s coming out of a stronger league than, say, the Scandinavian leagues where so many American expats play. By most accounts, he’s a poacher in the style of a Pippo Inzaghi, which is to say lacking any outstanding physical attributes, but with an instinctive knowledge of where to position himself to score. Certainly, with DeRosario playing just behind him, feeding him through balls, one could see this working out. But… MLS is a very physical league and he’s neither particularly fast nor particularly strong. Also, playing as he does, he’s not going to do much besides score. What I mean is that he won’t drop deep to help the midfield, nor will he use his pace and strength to stretch play and defenders out of position. He needs to score 15+ goals this season to justify his place on the roster.

Dwayne DeRosario was sensational last year. This year, paired with a classy striker, one can hope that the goal scoring burden will be lifted from his shoulders. But, he’s 34 years old. He was injury free for us last year, but can he still play at that level week in and week out for 75-90 minutes? And what if his partnership with Salihi doesn’t gel? Last year, he played off of either Charlie Davies or Josh Wolff most games – players who run a lot more, using movement and speed to find openings. Of course, neither impressed with the scoring exploits, but still, something worked for DeRo to score sixteen goals.

For two seasons, Boskovic has been warming the bench. Either he was injured or just not getting minutes. He’s a Designated Player and if he’s not able play or the coach doesn’t trust him to play, he needs to be let go and salary cap space opened for someone else to take his place. He’s a technical, guileful player, suited for either playmaking roles on the wing or centrally. And he’s got a beautiful left foot that, in theory, should provide some lovely assists for a tricky poacher like Salihi. But’s he been collecting a paycheck for a almost two years without playing. Produce or go home.

The DC United defense was talented, but also young. We had players like Ethan White and Perry Kitchen – the latter being a likely future U.S. International – but some leadership was lacking, particularly with a young goalkeeper like Bill Hamid behind them. Adding Brandon McDonald midseason helped, but he’s mostly a solid journeyman. Robbie Russell was added in the offseason to play full back and he’s a veteran who knows the ropes and can provide some leadership, but the real big addition was 29 year old Argentine, Emiliano Dudar. He’s the centerback who’s supposed to add grit and experience and help the young players reach the next level (and possibly allow Kitchen to shift over to full back). If he doesn’t, all the talent upfront won’t get us to the playoffs.

Thursday Staff Meeting – Cultural Tourism


Are you a ‘cultural vtourist?’ I am.

I have fond memories of the music scene in Birmingham from my college days.

What do you do when your museum starts to become financially viable?

Midweek Staff Meeting – It’s About Morals


The problem with literary piracy.

How to introduce the science fiction fan in your life to poetry.

Tuesday Morning Staff Meeting – Too Many E-Readers


E-reader fatigue?

The next level for e-readers.