Filming of Paradise Lost: The Movie starring Bradley Freakin’ Cooper as Lucifer has been postponed.

This makes me feel somewhat more optimistic that the entirety of western culture won’t be buried beneath an avalanche of Twilight memorabilia.

Of course, I’d be more optimistic if the studio had released one of the following statements:

We realized that making John Milton’s blank verse epic of man’s fall from grace into a 3-D action movie extravaganza was an even worse idea than when we greenlighted more Alvin & the Chipmunks movies. Consequently, we have cancelled production and are donating the entire proposed budget to literacy programs in underserved communities.

or…

Even if you accept that making a Paradise Lost movie was a good idea, surely we can all agree that a smug, shallow, and limited actor like Bradley Cooper is the absolute wrong choice to play one of the most complex and, yes, tragic figures in all of literature. The man’s highest achievement as a thespian was holding his own onscreen next to the non-existent acting chops of mentally challenged boxer, Mike Tyson. We have left messages with Daniel Day-Lewis, Johnny Depp, and Michael Fassbender. And that’s assuming we still agree that this movie should even be made. The money budgeted for Bradley Cooper’s salary will be donated to literacy programs in underserved communities.